Words and Music: Tom Lewis
(Recorded by Tom Lewis on Mixed Cargo)

Living in a submarine hygiene is a joke,
you don't use shampoo and you don't use soap,
Down by the bathroom hear the 'tanky' swear:
"You'd better not waste any water in there!"

On the surface on the bottom or somewhere in between,
it really doesn't matter if you're dirty or you're clean,
Able Seaman, Chiefy, the Skipper or the Queen,
nobody showers in a submarine.

On a diesel boat you've got no water to spare,
you can't use the shower, stow the beer in there,
You're oily and grimy for a month or so,
on 'up-channel-night' to the bathroom you go.

Two basins of water and a pint beer mug,
get your lagging off and get ready to scrub,
Put some green jelly on a scratchy pad,
grit your teeth and start scrubbing like mad.

When you're red as lobster then you're ready to rinse,
some foo-foo dust will make you smell like a prince
The last of the water's just enough for your teeth
so finish up pronto make some room for the Chief.

Next evening at the disco in your sharp civvy clothes,
every girl around you starts holding her nose,
For the way that you smell there is no antidote,
they can tell that you're a sailor on a diesel boat.

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